Hello Dear Friends,

As you can tell, I slowed down a bit to enjoy the summer. I have enjoyed visiting the mountains, splashing my feet in the ocean, visiting friends, visiting family, reading and doing my favorite past time...creating art. I found time to rejoice in the simple pleasures of life. As I tell all of my clients...IT IS THE SIMPLE THINGS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO CREATING A MAGNIFICENT LIFE!!!

What are your simple pleasures?

What simple pleasure can you commit to this week?

Some ideas:

Sit by a body of water (an ocean, lake, river or pond) and enjoy the beauty of nature.

Make cupcakes and share them with friends.

Browse the bookstore and buy yourself a book to read.

Visit your local library and sign up for a free class.

Visit your local farmer's market and shop for ingredients for a new recipe.

Go to the movies...all by yourself!

Dance in the rain.

Love and many blessings,

Misti

The Damaged Feminine Spirit

After years of being married to a gay man, my FEMININE SPIRIT was completely broken. Once I divorced, I felt like an "it". The years of being married to a gay man stripped away my feminine identity. I felt like a body without a gender. I felt more like a sexless "it" than a woman. I had lost the essence of the woman within. Unfortunately, I have not been alone in this feeling. Many of the women I work with have a wounded or damaged femininity. The years of sexual rejection and lack of intimacy erodes away the femininity of many Straight Wives.
The damaged femininity does not arrive overnight. Often times, it is a result of years of abusive comments or lack of intimacy. Bit by bit, pieces of femininity are put into what I call, “remission”. Years of being neglected sexually or receiving derogatory comments would assault any woman’s femininity. After hearing comments long enough, or being intimately neglected long enough, we tend to start believing the comments or actions as our TRUTHS. Thus, internalizing and placing blame on ourselves and seeing ourselves as “less than”. For example, only if I was thinner, he would desire me sexually. Only if I was prettier, he would desire me. Only if I dressed better, he would desire me. Only if my breasts were larger, he would desire me. Only if I was a better wife, he would desire me more. Etc.

Unfortunately, if you are a Straight Wife, chances are high that you have put your femininity into remission. Femininity is a very important essence of every woman put on the face of this earth. Femininity is not something to hide. It is something to be proud of. Most importantly, femininity should be honored and restored.

Femininity can be restored. It has nothing to do with your age, size, ethnicity, etc. Most of the restoration has to do with your beliefs....and negative beliefs about our femininity can be changed to positive and accepting beliefs. One of the most important keys is to realize that you are worthy and deserving of being a woman. Another important key to restoring femininity is to ask yourself the following questions:

What makes me feel like a woman?

When have I felt feminine and sexy in the past…what was I doing to feel that way?

Answering the above questions will give you clues as to how to jump start on reclaiming your femininity. Every woman at any age, size or ethnicity needs to feel honored and respected as a woman. You deserve to see your BEAUTY, own your POWER, live your TRUTH and Love the FEMININE within. HONOR her and let her shine again.

If you would like more support on restoring your femininity, consider giving yourself the gift of a one on one coaching package. Each package is designed to fit your specific needs and we can work specifically on restoring your femininity. Restoring your femininity is a must for any woman that has been in a Gay/Straight marriage.

Many blessings to you,

Misti

Support Team

Discovering your mate is gay can be devastating. When we, Straight Wives, get this news our world crumbles.....and we find ourselves in a "fog". A "fog" is when you are not thinking as clearly and rational as you would normally. The "fog" sometimes dulls our ability to make "sound" decisions and it is a natural response to a Grief reaction. Often times when we find ourselves in a "fog" of emotions...it is beneficial to surround ourselves with people that LOVE us and have our best interests at heart. In an effort to survive the "fog" and to be able to make better decisions it is very important to create a Support Team. A good Support Team can help you get on your healing path. As well as, help you remain focused when the path is full of obstacles.

What is a Support Team? A Support Team is a group of friends and family members that have your best interest at heart. It is someone you know that is mindful of your welfare and well-being. It is someone that treats you with respect and honors who you are. It is someone that offers support to you emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. without being controlling and telling you what to do. It is someone that has the ability to be a great listener. It is someone that lives with integrity. It is someone you counted on in the past. So, who in your life can you identify that are strong in above areas? Once you identify the people, make a list. Try to come up with at least 5 people that will be on your Support Team. Once you identify those 5 people, take the time to talk with each of them. See what their thoughts are...and if they are okay with being a part of your team. You may be very surprised how willing someone is to help you when you ASK! Do not assume they know you need the help and support! Ask them.

Many people also have at least one professional on their Support Team. It could be someone you have a professional relationship with. For example, a professional Support Team member could be a Life Coach, Therapist, Minister, Chaplain, Priest, Rabbi, etc. There are some benefits to having a professional as one of your Support Team members. The greatest benefit being, the professional member should be trained in helping you untangle situations. Therefore you can approach situations with greater clarity to make better decisions. Another benefit being, the professional Support Team member should be unbiased in the situation. Therefore, he/she can offer different solutions from many different perspectives. Thus, the professional Support Team member may be able to uncover more solutions/options than you have thought of.

Collectively, this special group of people in your Support Team can be your "sounding" board when you are making a decision. As well as, be there when you need someone to listen or vent to. Everyone needs a Support Team when heading through major life transitions. A good quality Support Team can make a huge difference in your ability to heal. Take the time to make a list of your support team today.