A New Normal by guest Heather Cram

It has been 6 years since I realized my husband was gay. It has been 5 years since a divorce ripped through our family and sent ripples of hurt and anger not only through my heart, but also through my children's hearts. Time heals lots of wounds but the scars of divorce from a man I thought would be the perfect father and husband still remain.

Lately it seems like straight women being married to gay men is all over the media. You see our situation play out on TV dramas, on talk shows (Oprah had a number of shows lately dedicated to this subject), on the radio, on movies and in articles. As more men come out in their marriages, it seems like society is accepting this practice as a new "normal". Even my friends are commenting on how women facing this dilemma today don't have it so bad because "it's happening everywhere". I applaud gay men who are already married and who come clean with their spouses, don't get me wrong...but I can't stand the idea that because so many men are doing so, society is accepting this as "no big deal".

The men who are coming out as gay in their marriages may be having a bit easier time of it than in the past due to easing societal attitudes, but the women that this happens to are shocked, angry, sad, and frightened. We are forced into raising our children in a new way, forced to accept a lifestyle for them that we may or may not believe in. In an instant all the dreams we had of raising children must transform into an acceptance of their father and of new homes and new lives that has been thrust upon us.

The new lives we live are not "normal". I'm pleased to see that societal pressures may be easing - allowing more gay people to live as they wish. But the fallout from a marriage to a straight man that turns into a divorce from a gay man will change the lives of all involved. It can return to be a good life...but the trauma and dedication to turn hurt to healing is intense, painful and takes a very long time. I don't ever feel like my life will ever be "normal" again. My kids say the same. We entered into the sisterhood of straight wives unknowingly, and I am grateful to have the chance to help as many of my sisters as possible find a new life for themselves and their kids.

Written by Heather Cram. Heather is a former Straight Wife that has also written a book. You can contact Heather at Heather@ismyspousegay.com and find more information about her book at http://www.ismyspousegay.com/

A Wave of GRIEF: A Free Teleconference Invitation

Dearest Straight Wives you are invited to attend a free seminar, A Wave of Grief. I am offering a free teleconference seminar on Grief exclusively for Straight Wives on August 20, 200 at 1:00pm (Eastern Time Zone). In this call I will give a brief overview of the Grief Stages. The Grief Stages will help you better understand your healing journey. Learning that you are a Straight Wife can be devastating and traumatic. However, there is life after the discovery. Life can be wonderful on this side of the closet door. Your healing will not arrive in a nice package on your doorstep. Healing takes place when you allow yourself to grieve, process your grief, know that you are not alone, and start re-discovering and re-defining yourself. Making the decision to heal is not a bed of roses......but, it is not a bed of thorns, either. So, come join me on this call and know that you are not alone. You can email me at MistiLynnHall@aol.com to reserve your spot.

Love and many blessings to you,
Misti Hall, M.S.

Are You Living on Borrowed HOPE?

BORROWED HOPE....what is borrowed hope? Borrowed hope is when the Straight Wife tries to borrow hope from her tomorrow in an effort to make today better. It can be a vicious cycle of never feeling whole or complete. Borrowing hope can buy time. It can buy years of time. How do I know? Because I borrowed hope for 10 years during the marriage I had with a gay husband. I focused on doing anything I could to do to make "tomorrow better". Honestly, my tomorrow never came. I only learned how to dance better inside the circle of crazy. I danced and danced....all the while I told myself that tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is a new day. We will get along better tomorrow and this relationship will work...because it is me causing the difficulties in the marriage.

Yes, that was my story. I had lived in borrowed hope for so long that I began to believe the whole success of the marriage was on my shoulders. I had to be the sole agent of change to make the marriage work and be viable. Guess what? The interest compounded too quickly for me to continue living on borrowed hope. I began crumbling. I could not keep up with the dancing inside the circle of crazy any longer. The interest rate for borrowing hope was way too high.

I finally decided to quit dancing inside the circle of crazy. I left the circle...and it was not easy. I will be the first to tell you, there were no black and white easy answers to leave a marriage where I suspected my now ex-husband was/is gay. I looked to my source (God) for guidance and followed the lead. Thankfully, I was able to exit the closet and begin my own healing journey. A journey that will last a lifetime of me discovering who I am.

I have loved this journey. Even though it has had it ups and downs, it has been adventuresome and I have learned many things about myself. Life does not have to be so complicated. A relationship does not have to be so complicated. Life is good! Everyone deserves a wonderful life...and that is what I wish for you.

Do what it takes to live the life you are meant to live. Do what it takes to step forward into the person that you love being. Do what it takes to bring peace, love and joy to your life. Life is short...live it up NOW!!!

Wow, it has been awhile.......

Dear Readers,

Wow, it has been awhile since I last posted! Time truly does travel fast. It is hard to believe that it has been almost 2 years since I started this blog. I never dreamed so many Straight Wives and Gay Husbands would reach out for support. I am constantly reminded by readers how difficult it can be to find a professional that truly understands the situation. It is my wish to be a part of the change I wish to see in the professional therapy and counseling world. It is my mission to continue offering quality care and consultation to Straight Wives. As well as, educating people and professionals on the importance of truly understanding the needs of Straight Wives.

It has been a true blessing to be able to offer my support to all of you. May all of you find your lighthouse during your storm.

Love and blessings to all,

Misti Hall