After years of being married to a gay man, my FEMININE SPIRIT was completely broken. Once I divorced, I felt like an "it". The years of being married to a gay man stripped away my feminine identity. I felt like a body without a gender. I felt more like a sexless "it" than a woman. I had lost the essence of the woman within. Unfortunately, I have not been alone in this feeling. Many of the women I work with have a wounded or damaged femininity. The years of sexual rejection and lack of intimacy erodes away the femininity of many Straight Wives.
The damaged femininity does not arrive overnight. Often times, it is a result of years of abusive comments or lack of intimacy. Bit by bit, pieces of femininity are put into what I call, “remission”. Years of being neglected sexually or receiving derogatory comments would assault any woman’s femininity. After hearing comments long enough, or being intimately neglected long enough, we tend to start believing the comments or actions as our TRUTHS. Thus, internalizing and placing blame on ourselves and seeing ourselves as “less than”. For example, only if I was thinner, he would desire me sexually. Only if I was prettier, he would desire me. Only if I dressed better, he would desire me. Only if my breasts were larger, he would desire me. Only if I was a better wife, he would desire me more. Etc.
The damaged femininity does not arrive overnight. Often times, it is a result of years of abusive comments or lack of intimacy. Bit by bit, pieces of femininity are put into what I call, “remission”. Years of being neglected sexually or receiving derogatory comments would assault any woman’s femininity. After hearing comments long enough, or being intimately neglected long enough, we tend to start believing the comments or actions as our TRUTHS. Thus, internalizing and placing blame on ourselves and seeing ourselves as “less than”. For example, only if I was thinner, he would desire me sexually. Only if I was prettier, he would desire me. Only if I dressed better, he would desire me. Only if my breasts were larger, he would desire me. Only if I was a better wife, he would desire me more. Etc.
Unfortunately, if you are a Straight Wife, chances are high that you have put your femininity into remission. Femininity is a very important essence of every woman put on the face of this earth. Femininity is not something to hide. It is something to be proud of. Most importantly, femininity should be honored and restored.
Femininity can be restored. It has nothing to do with your age, size, ethnicity, etc. Most of the restoration has to do with your beliefs....and negative beliefs about our femininity can be changed to positive and accepting beliefs. One of the most important keys is to realize that you are worthy and deserving of being a woman. Another important key to restoring femininity is to ask yourself the following questions:
What makes me feel like a woman?
When have I felt feminine and sexy in the past…what was I doing to feel that way?
Answering the above questions will give you clues as to how to jump start on reclaiming your femininity. Every woman at any age, size or ethnicity needs to feel honored and respected as a woman. You deserve to see your BEAUTY, own your POWER, live your TRUTH and Love the FEMININE within. HONOR her and let her shine again.
If you would like more support on restoring your femininity, consider giving yourself the gift of a one on one coaching package. Each package is designed to fit your specific needs and we can work specifically on restoring your femininity. Restoring your femininity is a must for any woman that has been in a Gay/Straight marriage.
Many blessings to you,
Misti
