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Dear Readers,
Check out Straight Wives Facebook Page for our Straight Wives Blog Talk Radio! Bonnie Kay and I will use this Facebook page to update everyone on upcoming guest on our Blog Talk Radio Show. We will also post interesting and helpful articles related to Straight Wife issues. http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/StraightWives/104245412947895?v=wall

Happy Thanksgiving to our Canadian Straight Wives

Wanting to send out a Happy Thanksgiving to my dear Straight Wife friends that live in Canada. May each of you have something very special to be Thankful for on this holiday weekend. Remember...you are LOVED and you are MAGNIFICENT. May your life be filled with Celebration and Thanksgiving throughout the whole year.

Love and many blessings,

Misti

Terry McMillan on the Oprah Show

If you are a Straight Wife I hope you were able to watch the Oprah show today. I am grateful that some light was shed for Straight Wives who have unknowingly married Gay men. Having experienced this personally and supporting women professionally as a life coach/therapist, this is a very REAL problem that lacks awareness. It is not an issue of being homophobic. The issues arise from a deep sense of betrayal. It is a betrayal that creates what I call a Soul Wound. It shakes the foundation and core of WHO and HOW you define (ed) yourself. There is limited support for Straight Wives. I hope this brings more awareness and support opportunities for Straight Wives. Thank you Terry McMillan for being so honest and open about being a Straight Wife!

Happy Father's Day Dad!

Happy Father's Day wishes would not be complete without me wishing my own Dad a big Happy Father's Day! So, Happy Father's Day, Dad!

I also want to remind Straight Wives out there that sometimes your own parents can be more supportive than you ever imagined. If you have good relationships with your family, do not underestimate the support and love they can give you during the "discovery period". My parent's helped me weather the storm that I thought I would have to walk alone. They helped carry me and my burdens.

Reflecting back on discovering that my ex-husband was/is gay....I was completely devastated. Initially I did not seek the support of my parents. I was embarrassed and assumed that they would not understand my pain, devastation and hurt. Well, I was WRONG. Thankfully, I finally found the courage to tell my parents that I was secretly filing for divorce and I needed their emotional support. My parents rose to the occasion and they supported me the WHOLE way.

They even understood that I could not "fix" my ex and transform him to being a Straight husband (this is HUGE because they belong to a very conservative church). They lovingly listened as I explained to them how I hid the physical and mental abuse. I told them everything....the double life my ex was leading, the affairs he was having and the abuse I experienced. They were shocked...but, not as shocked as I thought they would be. Being my parents they had sensed a strain in my marriage. They revealed to me that they knew things were not going well. However, they admitted that they had no idea of the physical and mental abuse I had gone through. But, shocking to me, they had suspected all along that my then husband was Gay.

Thankfully, my parents did understand. They were devastated because I had not come to them earlier! They gave me love and support all the way through the divorce process. They took me back under their wings of protection...and it felt good. It was a welcome reprieve from keeping the secrets and hiding my pain from them.

So, please realize that your parents may understand this situation better than you think!

On this Father's Day...I say, Daddy.......THANK YOU for all of the love, support, understanding, sternness (but, softness when I need it)....and ALWAYS being there!

Much LOVE to You and Mom,

Your Daughter...Misti

Happy Father's Day

Wanting to wish Happy Father's Day to all of you "Daddy's" out there. If you are a Gay Dad that has been a part of a Gay/Straight Marriage...it is my wish for you that you have been able to establish and maintain a healthy parental relationship with your child(ren).

I work with many mothers that are concerned about the relationship their ex-Gay husband will or will not have with their children. Please remember that divorced parents find ways to be a hands on parent every day. It may take a lot of work and effort to maintain a "civil" relationship after a divorce. But, in the end.....when you have children...it is worth the extra negotiation.

I am not saying to discount your pain and frustration as a spouse. However, I am saying...do not let your children bear your burden of pain. Whether you are the Gay or Straight Spouse, find appropriate support to help ease your pain. Parents MUST take care of themselves emotionally and physically to be great parents to their children. So, as parents, remember to take care of yourself and find support to help you pick up the pieces of your shattered life.

So, if you are a separated or divorced Gay/Straight couple, I hope you have put your children's needs and welfare above your own hurt and frustrations. Keep the children out of your pain. Allow the children to love and enjoy the company of both parents. Children are precious and a gift to the world. Parents....love your children, support your children, visit your children often, encourage your children, etc. Most importantly stay involved in your children's life and inspire them to live a magnificent life full of love.

Just My Opinion.....

Often times I here from others that it must be much easier discovering that your spouse is gay and having an affair with a man vs. being straight and having an affair with a woman. Well, professionally and personally speaking, this is not true. There is no solace in finding out your husband has had an affair with a man instead of a woman. I am not discounting infidelity in any relations. Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal of trust a couple may experience. Then add on top of the betrayal a discovery that your husband is Gay. It makes the whole situation more complicated. Thus, for most Straight Spouses it adds more layers of complication and grief to work through. This type of discovery (finding out that our husband/mate is Gay) changes who you are...how you define yourself...how you see yourself...and brings on a level of shame and guilt that is hard to describe, unless you have experienced it. Not only do Straight Wives deal with infidelity.....they usually walk into the closet with their Gay husband/partner.

To many outsiders it seems like a "no-brainer".....your husband is Gay, so separation should be more simple. If only that was the case! It is not simple. So, if you are a Straight Spouse and you feel abnormal the next time you hear, "Oh, it must be easier because your husband cheated with a man"...please understand they have not experienced your situation. Dear Straight Wives you DO NOT have to discount your pain, your frustration, your grief, your emotions, etc. This is a very pain situation....a crisis at best. For all others, please be extra cautious when trying to discount some one's pain. It doesn't make the person feel better...let them feel their pain and as a friend, practice being a listener for them.

June Saturday Seminar: Self-Esteem

Often times Straight Wives have little to no Self-Esteem. Knowing that your spouse is Gay can be very damaging to your Self-Esteem. There are many things that can lead to low self-esteem. For starters, our culture already promotes the essence of a woman to be unrealistic by expecting us to be Wonder Woman. On top of that, add a Gay spouse to the stress and it spells for disaster in the Self-Esteem department. The years of being in a Gay/Straight marriage can be devastating. Little chunks of Self-Esteem are removed bit by bit, piece by piece.

Improving Self-Esteem is crucial for Straight Wives to heal. It can be repaired. It takes work, knowledge, time and effort to repair broken Self-Esteem. Join in on this Saturday Seminar to learn how to start the repair process. You can expect this Saturday Seminar to be a mixture of lecture, discussion (question and answer session), activities to help rebuild your Self-Esteem and a downloadable Self-Esteem journal.

If your Self-Esteem has been damaged due to being in a Gay/Straight marriage, join us for the Saturday Seminar in June. Regardless of where you are in your journey, this Saturday Seminar should be helpful for you.

What: June Saturday Seminar/Telecourse
When: June 12, 2010 at 1:00 PM-3:00 PM Eastern Standard Time
Cost: $30.00
Note: You must have access to a phone to call into the Saturday Seminar/Telecourse. You will also need access to a computer for email and be able to print the Self-Esteem journal. Arrangements can be made to mail the Self-Esteem journal if you do not have a printer. Also, please note that your privacy is respected in the Saturday Seminars and Workshops. You can register under an anonymous name. The Saturday Seminars and Workshops are very easy and convenient to participate in from the privacy of your own home. The only essential equipment you need is a phone that will call a long distance number.

ANYWAY.....

Over the years of working with Straight Wives it is very common for Straight Wives to be troubled by what other people may say or think of them. It saddens me that someone will let their happiness and well-being hinge on someone else's belief or opinion of them. As a result, I often see Gay/Straight couples remaining together out of this type of fear.

A Gay/Straight marriage has enough issues for the couple to process and deal with...and surely doesn't need outside negative opinions! Unfortunately, many negative judgments are placed on the Straight Wife. Many people seem to be great at offering unsolicited hurtful advice! Always remember, YOU know what is best for YOU. Seek professional counseling/coaching to help the both of you come to terms with your situation. Don't spend time worrying about outsider's opinions. The opinions that matter are from the Husband, Wife and Children. And to remind yourself of this, I am posting a copy of a poem that Mother Teresa hung on a wall of the orphanage she founded in Calcutta. The author of the poem is unknown.

People are often unreasonable,

illogical and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are successful,

you will win some false friends and

some true enemies;

Succeed anyway, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,

someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,

they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,

people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,

and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,

it is between you and God;

It is never between you and them anyway.

unknown

I hope this poem inspires you to be the best you can be and to live the best life you can live. YOU deserve a life full of LOVE, JOY, HAPPINESS, HOPE and JOY. May you realize it is there for you....but remember, the road to finding it is not always the easiest road to travel. However, it is well worth it to find and live an authentic life.

Happy Spring!

Dear Friends,

Spring is almost here! Spring is one of my favorite seasons. It always comes after the darkest and coldest season....Winter. Winter time can be very depressing when you are going through difficult times and life transitions.

I have spent all day out in nature today to witness all the signs of Spring and rebirth. Digging in the fresh earth smelled and felt so good on my hands. As I cleared my yard....I also intentionally cleared my mind. I mindfully pulled the weeds and cleared up the Winter debris. As I pulled the weeds, I asked myself....What "weeds" do I need to pull from my life? What is no longer serving me? What new "flowers" do I need to grow and nurture in my life this year? As I was clearing away the old to make room for the new, I zoned out into a mindful moving meditation...if you will. It was very refreshing to inventory my life. Every so often I take inventory of my life. So, I can I add more enjoyment....and let go of things that are draining. I suggest that you also do some Spring cleaning in your "garden". Ask yourself the same questions...and trust your answers. Remember...the tiny acorn is the seed for the majestic oak tree. The great oak grows from a tiny seed. What seeds do you need to plant this year?

This Spring I encourage you to let go of the old that is no longer serving you...and plant the new into your garden of life. If you want a good start on Spring, I suggest you to sign up for March's Saturday Seminar. Our topic will be Grief. You will be given tools to help release Grief. So, you can make room for the more enjoyable things in life. You will also be given a downloadable booklet on Grief to print and keep. I have a few spaces left if you are interested. Email me quick to reserve your spot.

Love and many blessings to you,
Misti

March Saturday Seminar: Grief

Grief is the topic for the Saturday Seminar Telecourse in March. This Saturday Seminar is scheduled for March 13 @ 1:00PM Eastern Standard Time Zone. I will discuss a model of Grief and how it fits into the Recovery process of discovering that your spouse/partner is gay. Understanding Grief can often help in the healing journey. During this Saturday Seminar I will also share tips on how to ease the Grief pain and how to move forward in the process. The Saturday Seminar Telecourse will be a mixture lecture, discussion (question and answer session), activities to help during the Grieving process and a downloadable Grief packet. Come join in on this live group Telecourse from the comforts and privacy of your home to learn more about Grief and the healing process.
What: March Saturday Seminar Telecourse
When: March 13, 2010 at 1:00 PM-2:30 PM Eastern Standard Time
Cost: $30.00
Note: You must have access to a phone to call into the Telecourse. You will also need access to a computer for email and be able to print the Grief packet. Arrangements can be made to mail the Grief packet if you do not have a printer.

Support Team

Discovering your mate is gay can be devastating. When we, Straight Wives, get this news our world crumbles.....and we find ourselves in a "fog". A "fog" is when you are not thinking as clearly and rational as you would normally. The "fog" sometimes dulls our ability to make "sound" decisions and it is a natural response to a Grief reaction. Often times when we find ourselves in a "fog" of emotions...it is beneficial to surround ourselves with people that LOVE us and have our best interests at heart. In an effort to survive the "fog" and to be able to make better decisions it is very important to create a Support Team. A good Support Team can help you get on your healing path. As well as, help you remain focused when the path is full of obstacles.

What is a Support Team? A Support Team is a group of friends and family members that have your best interest at heart. It is someone you know that is mindful of your welfare and well-being. It is someone that treats you with respect and honors who you are. It is someone that offers support to you emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. without being controlling and telling you what to do. It is someone that has the ability to be a great listener. It is someone that lives with integrity. It is someone you counted on in the past. So, who in your life can you identify that are strong in above areas? Once you identify the people, make a list. Try to come up with at least 5 people that will be on your Support Team. Once you identify those 5 people, take the time to talk with each of them. See what their thoughts are...and if they are okay with being a part of your team. You may be very surprised how willing someone is to help you when you ASK! Do not assume they know you need the help and support! Ask them.

Many people also have at least one professional on their Support Team. It could be someone you have a professional relationship with. For example, a professional Support Team member could be a Life Coach, Therapist, Minister, Chaplain, Priest, Rabbi, etc. There are some benefits to having a professional as one of your Support Team members. The greatest benefit being, the professional member should be trained in helping you untangle situations. Therefore you can approach situations with greater clarity to make better decisions. Another benefit being, the professional Support Team member should be unbiased in the situation. Therefore, he/she can offer different solutions from many different perspectives. Thus, the professional Support Team member may be able to uncover more solutions/options than you have thought of.

Collectively, this special group of people in your Support Team can be your "sounding" board when you are making a decision. As well as, be there when you need someone to listen or vent to. Everyone needs a Support Team when heading through major life transitions. A good quality Support Team can make a huge difference in your ability to heal. Take the time to make a list of your support team today.

When Happily Ever After Turns to Miserable Ever Since....

Has your Happily Ever After fell apart? Did your Happily Ever After turn into Miserable Ever Since I Discovered? Unfortunately, many Straight Spouses find ourselves in a situation of not knowing of whether to stay......or whether to leave. Obviously, no one wants to find themselves in this situation. Therefore, it can be easier to bury our heads in the sand......and wish for it all to go away. Chances are......it isn't going away any time soon. Therefore, sooner or later you and your Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual partner will need to sort out your future together.......or apart. Ideally, both of you will discuss the transition of dealing with a Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual partner and develop a plan of integrity and pave the road to both of you living an authentic life.

Unfortunately, many Straight Spouses have to sort this situation out on their own. Often times the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual partner will dismiss their Straight Spouse's intuition or discovering evidence. This dismissal is not only damaging, it leads to guilt and shame in the Straight Spouse. After feeling guilt and shame for long enough..the Straight Spouse has a tendency to internalize the relationship issues and blame themselves for the problems and issues in the marriage/relationship. Then, the Straight Spouse sets themselves up for a whole host of unrealistic self expectations. "I will do THIS....and he/she will love me more. I will do THAT...and he/she will love me more." This type of disillusionment puts us on the merry go round of failure and leads to an assault on our ability to love and be loved.

Ultimately, the greatest love is the LOVE FOR OURSELVES. We must learn to Love and Accept ourselves. We cannot solely depend on a healthy love outside of ourselves and not grow and nurture our own Self Love.

When we give away our power in Self Love, we set ourselves up for potential disasters. For example, if we do not LOVE ourselves and expect love to come from our partner....then we are only fed the type of LOVE they are willing to give. What if your partner doesn't know how to love you the way you deserve to be loved? What if your partner has a tendency to be manipulative and abusive? What kind of Love will your partner deliver? If you remain dependent to receive Love outside of yourself.....you are setting yourself up for heartbreak and unhealthy relationship patterns.

Once we seek outside Love long enough, it can become toxic. A toxic love is not healthy! A toxic love is prone to be riddled with abuse, neglect and very conditional. For example...."only if you were thin enough I would love you more, only if you had a better job....I would love you more, if we have a child we will love each other more, "etc. Conditional love erodes our ability to Love and function in a healthy manor. After you have exposed yourself long enough....you will start to believe the conditions.....the terrible comments.....or accept the neglect/lack of Love. Once that line has been crossed, we tend to find ourselves feeling miserable and unworthy of Love. Often times these feelings trap us in a relationship because we feel, "this is the best I can do...and who would want me?"

Even though Love is a primal instinct we seek, we often overlook the foundation to the greatest love of all........LOVING OURSELVES! Yes, loving ourselves builds a solid foundation for a healthy love.

Love is like a garden. You must plant the seeds of LOVE....water them.... WEED them...and fertilize properly. Sometimes is it hard to discern the weeds from the seedlings of LOVE. So, you tenderly make decisions to pluck the weed....or allow the weed to grow. If you choose to nurture more weeds than love seedlings.....you will risk not having a bountiful harvest and possibly experience a famine of LOVE. If you choose to cultivate more LOVE seeds than weeds, you will be rewarded with an abundant harvest. Gardening takes time and patience....and needs to be sprinkled with courage. You must tend your garden often and mindfully to allow your LOVE to grow. When you are ready for harvest, enjoy your fruits and share them. Remember, planting Love seeds is not a one crop effort.....one must continually plant LOVE seeds in the garden to experience a stable supply of fruits!

Self Love can begin with very basic and simple steps. A well balanced Self Love has a mixture of behaviors that nurture the body, mind and spirit.

You can start by making a list of 20 things that you love to do....or simple things that bring you pleasure and joy. When you make your list, include a variety of things to "feed" your body, mind and spirit. When making this list you can ask yourself:

What makes me feel in touch with my spiritual being?

What makes me feel good about my body?

What are things that reduce my stress and anxiety?

Then, commit to following through with action! Pick out an activity to do at least once a week. If you commit to doing something for yourself once a week......by the end of the month you have done 4 great things for yourself. The end of the year.....you have done 52 great things for yourself. It is also wise to continually add to your list of things to do/try. It is the accumulation of doing those great things and the commitment to continually do those great things for yourself that add up to cultivate Self Love, Self Confidence, Self Esteem and Discover/Rediscovery of the Self. You are worth the effort!

Do you have weeds in your garden of Love? If so, what weeds are you willing to "thin out" and what variety of seeds are you willing to plant that will build up your SELF LOVE? Are you committed to nurturing and cultivating your garden of LOVE?

If you would like help in cultivating your "garden of Self Love" contact me at

MistiLynnHall @aol.com to schedule a complimentary 30 sample session and to learn more about my Life Coaching services.

Much LOVE and BLESSINGS to you,

Misti

Happy Valentine's Day

Dear Readers......

These are the things I wish for you on this Valentine's Day....whether you are married, separated, divorced or single...

May you settle for MORE in life....

May you feel that you are BEAUTIFUL....

May you learn how to LOVE YOURSELF deeply...

All LOVE affairs need to begin with LOVING YOURSELF first...

Broken HEARTS do mend...

May you allow LIGHT to enter where darkness resides within...

Forgiveness starts with OURSELVES...
Nurture your SPIRIT.....it is resilient...
May you allow yourself to let go of the pain....

May you discover a river of PEACE to flow through you...
May you understand that you will not have all the answers....just TRUST...

May you seek out JOY everyday....

May you reconnect with that inner child that loves to PLAY...
May you be on the path to your AUTHENTIC SELF.....

May you EMBRACE your AUTHENTIC SELF...

CELEBRATE your UNIQUENESS...
May you INDULGE in the SWEETNESS of life....

May you SHARE your GIFTS with the world....

LOVE and MANY BLESSINGS to you...

Misti

What IF???

I recently attended a friend and family get together. It was a very pleasant social affair. Lots of food, good conversation, updates on our lives, wine, etc. Everything that makes a get together warm and cozy. Even though it had all of the ingredients for a fabulous night....it became an extra special night. The kind of special night that you get to eat the cake and icing too! It was a night with a "gift" that I will never forget.

On this particular night a family came with their young adult children to the party. They were home from college and each child brought their boyfriend and girlfriend along. The interesting part...one of their children is a lesbian...and she brought her girlfriend to the gathering.

All night I caught myself starring and talking to the Lesbian couple....and please know, it wasn't a condescending conversation or stare...it was a stare and conversation of gratefulness. My heart was full and I was so grateful to see a loving "normal" family be so accepting of their daughter's sexuality. Their daughter being a Lesbian is normal for their family....and it was normal for their daughter's girlfriend to be a part of their family's activities.

Seeing the family interactions, especially with their daughter and her girlfriend was a "gift" to me. It reminded me that there are parents out there that love their children regardless of their sexual orientation. It reminded me that some parents do accept their children's sexuality and allow their children to grow into loving and caring adults. Most importantly, it reminded me that (some) parents encourage their children to live their truth......regardless if it fits the social and religious "norm".

After I left the party, I kept thinking....WHAT IF my ex-husband's family encouraged him to live his truth? WHAT IF they had accepted him for who he really was? WHAT IF my ex-husband did not feel like he had to hide behind a marriage? WHAT IF my ex-husband did not have to feel shame and frustration? WHAT IF a strict religious upbringing did not condemn him to hell? WHAT IF my ex-husband felt safe to be who he was meant to be? WHAT IF.....WHAT IF.... The WHAT IF's ruminated in my mind as I danced around with different outcomes.

Obviously, my life story would have been written differently....and our paths may have crossed as friends instead of getting married and departing as enemies through a nasty and hurtful divorce.

Dear readers...be respectful to others for their uniqueness. I am not asking you to change your beliefs...you don't have to agree with them politically, religiously, etc. Just open your mind and open your heart to consider for a moment....WHAT IF I looked at a situation from a different view point.....how would my world view be different? Is there an area of my life that I need to shed more compassion? Embrace your own differences....live your truth....as a result, others will be more accepting and respectful of you. Have compassion towards others. When we find ourselves ready to judge.......pause for a moment and practice having compassion rather than condemnation. We never truly know someone's circumstances or their story. How can we judge someone else's story.....when we can barely understand our own story? BE the change you wish to see.

Love & Blessings,

Misti

AIDS Awareness

To all of you that know me and to those that do not, let me share with you an awareness that I am passionate about... AIDS AWARENESS. This is not a pretty disease. It is a horrible death sentence in many parts of the world where people have little, if any, access to medicine or access to preventive education.

Please know that AIDS does not discriminate. AIDS doesn't mind if you are gay or straight, young or old, black or white, man or woman. It crosses all boundaries, genders, cultures and socioeconomic status'. You cannot visibly look at someone and tell if they are "healthy" and free of HIV/AIDS. If you are planning to have sex with someone....both of you should be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Yes, it may be awkward to ask a partner to be tested...but, it is much easier than showing up in a doctor's office with a diagnosis of HIV/AIDS. Always remember....when you have sex with someone....it is equivalent to you having sex with EVERY sexual partner they have had. So, get tested and request the same. If you cannot afford to be tested...go to your local health department. Health departments offer free and anonymous HIV testing.

I will leave you with this beautiful video from Starbucks for AIDS Awareness titled....

Love Project

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh7D2g5v-Sg

Happy NEW YEAR!!

Dear Reader....

I want to wish you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR.

May your New Year be full of Love.

May your New Year be full of Fun Adventures.

May your New Year be full of Hope.

May your New Year be full of Peace.

May your New Year be full of great Health.

May your New Year be full of Laughter.

May your New Year be full of Beauty.

May your New Year be full of Blessings.

May your New Year be full of New Opportunities

May your New Year be full and Prosperous.

May your New Year be MAGNIFICENT!

You deserve all the best. My well wishes are with you and I hold each of you close to my heart. I am very thankful to work with many of you. I love every one of you. I know your circumstances and relationships are tough. I have been there too. It isn't easy...but, it is Survivable and YOU deserve only the best in your life. I BELIEVE IN YOU. May you have many blessings in 2010.

Ahhhhhh....YOU MADE IT!!

Congratulations! You made it through the Holidays. Only one more to go...New Year's Eve/Day.

Every year I hear about how difficult the Holidays are to get through. I remember those days all too well....when I was in the midst of being married to a gay man. Everywhere I looked...I found a place to let my heart break again and again. I would notice happy couples in the mall.....my heart would break. I would see those Christmas movies with all the love, laughter and joy.....my heart would break. I would see couples holding hands.....my heart would break. I would pass by a jewelry store in a mall and notice men looking at diamonds for their sweetheart.....my heart would break. I would see a family with children in tow.....my heart would break. I would notice an elderly couple walking together.....my heart would break. I would go to church and notice all the love around me...while I felt empty, dark and unworthy on the inside...my heart would break again.

I would cry rivers on the inside. Yet, somehow I managed to keep a calm fake face on the outside. It was very difficult...and I paid a high price for doing so. Each day...I let a piece of my truth and being slip away. Each day the feelings of desperation, anger, "unfairness" ate deeper into my soul. I let a little piece of me slip away bit by bit. I replaced my missing pieces with numbness to get through another day....another month...another year.

Living in complete sorrow ....my soul, my purpose, my motivation, my inspiration, my joy...it all melted away. Somehow, the spirit of the Holidays heightened my fears and intensified my heart ache. So, my private Holiday on the inside was not happy, joyous or grateful. It was a deep dark sea of emotions that I couldn't navigate or untangle. I was lost inside my body.

Often I ask myself...HOW DID I DO THAT....and WHY DID I DO THAT? The answer......I was always hoping and wishing for a better tomorrow. I lived on borrowed hope. It took nearly 10 years for me to realize that I could not emotionally afford to live on hope that my marriage would improve...or that I could wish, hope and pray for my then husband to be straight. So, for the Holiday season of 1999 I declared I would create a NEW and BETTER life for myself. Once I made my decision...I began to gain some clarity. It was not a lot clarity......but, it was enough to help me find a road map out of my misery.

So....if your heart is aching from the Holidays...I hope you find yourself relieved that it is OVER. I hope you are able to repair your broken heart and may it be on the mend. I hope you find your road map to a future filled with all the joys of life. May you live a MAGNIFICENT life because YOU DESERVE IT! Gather your strength...and go into 2010 with the intention of healing. Heal your heart, body, mind and soul.

Love from my heart to yours....May 2010 be a better year for you!

Saturday Seminar Teleclasses

Hello! I would like to "introduce" you to my new Saturday Seminars.
I will be conducting several Saturday Seminars (Teleclasses) throughout next year. The very first one will be conducted on January 2, 2010. The focus of the first Saturday Seminar will be on HEALING & GOAL SETTING for the New Year. Come join a group of Straight Spouses that are eager to change their life for the better. Start the New Year off in the right direction among a group of Straight Spouses that understand. This Telecourse will be beneficial for those currently in a Gay/Straight Marriage and those who are out of the Gay/Straight Relationship. After the Saturday Seminar is finished, I will hold an optional Question & Answer session for the participants. There will also be a bonus on the call. One random participant will receive a complimentary Straight Spouse Coaching session with me!

What: Saturday Seminar Teleclass
When: Saturday, January 2, 2010 @ 1:00PM Eastern Standard Time
Cost: $25.00
Note: You will need access to a phone to call into the Teleclass.

Are you ready to for positive changes in your life? Are you ready for a wonderful New Year? If so, contact me MistiLynnHall@aol.com for questions, registration and payment arrangements. Wishing you a Happy Holiday Season. Give yourself this important gift! You deserve it.

Your Straight Spouse "Sister",
Misti Hall, M.S.

Announcements....STEPPING Into Some New Things.....

I would like to make a few announcements. Straight Spouse Coaching is stepping into some new directions and expanding services. First of all, lots of things have been going on behind the scenes at Straight Spouse Coaching. I have finally started a Newsletter. It is called Straight Spouse Sisters. The Newsletter is intended to be helpful for Straight Spouses and it addresses some of the struggles of Straight Spouses. There is so little information out there on our struggles...so, I thought it was time to start a Newsletter. I plan to offer the Newsletter at least 4 times per year. One for each season. If you would like to be on the mailing list, email me at MistiLynnHall@aol.com .

I will also be offering some new classes and workshops in the upcoming New Year. Some of the new things I will be offering are...a membership email/network group, one day seminars in person and over the phone, monthly seminars focusing on specific topics, more guest blog posts, etc.

Last, but not least....I will be launching a Website in 2010! This has been a very exciting year for Straight Spouse Coaching and I am looking forward to 2010.

The BOOTS

I just HAD to buy the boots in the above photo. It was not an option to pass by them and leave them stranded on the shelf. They screamed out loud..."TAKE ME HOME". So, without much thought, I purchased the boots. I have had so much fun wearing them! They are not for the faint of heart. They definitely get attention...but, most importantly, they make me smile and I feel a sense of wonder when I have them on exploring the outdoors. Take time to have fun in your life. Go have some fun....If you are reading this blog...you probably need to infuse yourself with some goodness. As always....I wish you Hope, Joy and Love.

Lost and Found

Hello fellow Straight Spouse Sisters,

I would like to introduce you to our bright and beautiful fellow tribe member, Emily Pearson. Emily Pearson is an accomplished woman and has a way with words. In her own words she describes herself as a Full Time Single Mom, Writer, Actress, Recovering Mormon, and Die Hard Smart-Ass.

Emily is the author of several blogs. Two of her blogs are http://wearewildflowers.blogspot.com/

and

http://dancingwithcrazy.blogspot.com/

I encourage you to browse her blogs. She has an amazing writing style that intertwines straight spouse heartaches with a dose of humor. God knows we need humor where we can get it!

The following is a post originally written by Emily Pearson.......

LOST AND FOUND

To me one of the hardest things about staying married to a gay man for any length of time is that, once you have been given the full information, you are dragged into his closet and forced to live there with him. Suddenly you are living with this secret, and the shattering pain and humiliation it is causing you, pretty much isolated and completely alone. Often, understandably, he doesn't want you to tell anyone while he either experiments and figures out what he is going to do or stays closeted forever in an attempt to live the life of a straight man.

Every single thing suddenly becomes about, and revolves around, his "issue." It eclipses everything. All other marital problems, those that any couple deals with, are swept under the rug or filed under the category of "Because He is Gay" and become too big and confusing to deal with and work on. It consumes our every waking thought and often our sleep as well. It affects how we look at ourselves and our lives and how we do nearly everything. It is hard enough for women to not lose themselves completely in marriage and motherhood but when we find out, or finally face the fact, that our husbands are gay - it is nearly impossible to not disappear completely.

We find ourselves being held hostage in his closet. The clothes are his. The smells are his. The shoes are his. It is dark and frightening and miserable. The worst part is that we let HIM have the key and we wait for HIM to decide whether or not we ever get to come out. Unless a woman has been there, it is impossible to understand the despair this situation brings.

Whether we decide to leave the marriage or stay - it is imperative that we rescue ourselves, separate ourselves from his sexuality and reclaim who we are. If you are a woman that has chosen to live with him in his closet I cannot recommend highly enough that you not blast the "He's gay" information from the rooftops but share the situation with ONE trusted friend or relative. I do believe that every gay person deserves to come out to who they want when they want and that their privacy should absolutely be protected. BUT the wife of a gay man desperately needs at least one person to confide in and get support from. Talk to someone.

And if you choose to stay - Honey, you take your freaking sledge hammer to that closet and expand it into the biggest walk in anyone has ever seen. Put in windows and vaulted ceilings and shelves and artwork and your clothing and your perfume and every alive and beautiful thing that screams YOU because this is your life too and remaining lost is no longer an option.

There are many, many painful problems that accompany marriages between gay and straight people but I think we often make it mean more than it really does. We let it be far bigger than it is and let it eclipse more than we should. Is it confusing and painful as hell? Without question. But does it mean what we make it mean - that we are not attractive, desirable, beautiful, talented, fun, alive and worthy of love? NO. It simply means he is gay and we do with that what we will. We claim for ourselves what we will.

Still married, separated or divorced the trick, and task, is to find ourselves again. Take out old pictures and remember who you were before he came into your life. Pick up old musical instruments and hobbies. Put on music. Dance. Run. Eat chocolate. Have as many Girl's Nights Out as you can. Paint your toenails bright red. Stare at your naked body in the mirror and have a conversation with it. I am not kidding. Tell your body that it is beautiful and desirable because it is female - not in spite of that fact. Do this every day until you believe it. Slather yourself with yummy lotion. Buy pretty lingerie just for YOU. Read books that YOU like. See movies that YOU like. Prepare food that YOU like.

Remember that this is your life and you are ultimately here on this planet for you. The birds sing for you. The breeze blows for you. The flowers bloom for you. The moon rises and the stars shine for you. The world is overflowing with joy and laughter and precious moments and miracles and gifts and party favors for you. And, guess what? It doesn't have one teeny, tiny, little, itty, bitty thing to do with him.

The original post can be found here...http://wearewildflowers.blogspot.com/2009/02/lost-and-found.html

Thanks Emily!

Stepping Forward

What a weekend!!! Bonnie Kaye and I facilitated a healing weekend in Miami for Straight Spouses. I must say....it was AMAZING. This large group of women were filled with compassion and love for each other. Each of them became instant friends due to the connection of having had (or currently having) a gay husband. Many of them, for the first time in their life, were able to share their struggles and triumphs among a group of women that truly understood. The pain was intense, but the healing presence was almost magical.

We are an amazing tribe of women worthy of all the best life has to offer. May you all STEP forward into that life filled with love, peace and joy. May you trust again....and forgive YOURSELF. You are worthy!

Stay tuned for additional weekend retreats.

Hugs and Love to all Straight Spouse Sisters out there.