Healthy Diversions

Healthy diversions can be a very integral part of the healing process. Healthy diversions can make a huge difference in whether you survive the journey...or thrive in your journey. The following are just a few healthy diversions. Please feel free to add to this list by leaving a comment.

1) Journaling
Do you need someone to talk to in middle of night when you wake up from sleep? Do you feel like no one understands you? Or, are you afraid that you may turn to unhealthy habits...such as excessive drinking? If you answered "yes" to any of the previous questions, journaling may be a great healthy diversion for you. Pull out your journal...and write it out. Express how you feel. Allow those thoughts to spill onto paper...and out of your head. Do not worry about grammar or punctuation. Just let it flow, even if the words do not make sense. Journaling allows you to release emotions and gain clarity. It can also help you identify triggers and patterns in your emotions. For example...you may be able to discover a trigger that makes you sad...angry...etc. Always put a date on your journal entries. In the days to come...you can reflect back on your entries to see how far you have come.

2) Affirmations
Never underestimate the power of kind words! If you find yourself in a habit of negative self talk.. an excellent way to retrain ourselves is through using an opposite positive version. For example, if you keep telling yourself.."I can't do ______"..."I will not be able to finish _______".......you can change those phrases around to:
I can do ______ with ease. I will finish ______ with ease.
Affirmations can take the power out of the negativity. This is also a great foundation for building up self-esteem.
Louise L. Hay has many books with positive affirmations. Many book stores have her books in the "Self Help" section.

3) Take a class
For example....learn more about your finances. Take an investment class. Learn the investment lingo. Put yourself in power of your financial future. Get into the "know" of where your money is going. Learn how to save for a secure and comfortable retirement. Other classes to consider....foreign language, art or craft class, healthy cooking class, etc.

4) Join a book club.
If you have a love for reading....this may be an excellent way for you to meet new people and to stimulate your mind.

5) Yoga
Yoga can be very calming and it can quiet the mind. Yoga can also be a great way to feel "centered" and to find clarity.

6) Volunteer
Giving back can be a huge part of your healing process. However, only volunteer when you are ready...and start volunteering small increments of time. Do not commit to long hours of volunteering. Remember.....if you feel depleted..cut back on the commitment. If you continue to feel depleted...maybe the organization isn't a good "fit" for you. If this is the case...give a notice to the volunteer department and look into the possibility of volunteering for a different organization.

7) Feed your spirit.
What feeds your spirit? Is it prayer...meditation....attending church/temple/synagogue service....being in nature? Whatever it is...feed your spirit. Make sure you put aside enough time to honor this part of your being. In my healing process...this was one of the most important things I did. I always set aside time seek things out that "filled my cup".

What are you doing to be proactive in your healing process? Do you have a healthy diversion for the "hard days/moments"? If not, find a healthy diversion that suits your needs and personality. It will help your healing journey.

Happy NEW YEAR!!

Dear Reader....

I want to wish you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR.

May your New Year be full of Love.

May your New Year be full of Fun Adventures.

May your New Year be full of Hope.

May your New Year be full of Peace.

May your New Year be full of great Health.

May your New Year be full of Laughter.

May your New Year be full of Beauty.

May your New Year be full of Blessings.

May your New Year be full of New Opportunities

May your New Year be full and Prosperous.

May your New Year be MAGNIFICENT!

You deserve all the best. My well wishes are with you and I hold each of you close to my heart. I am very thankful to work with many of you. I love every one of you. I know your circumstances and relationships are tough. I have been there too. It isn't easy...but, it is Survivable and YOU deserve only the best in your life. I BELIEVE IN YOU. May you have many blessings in 2010.

Ahhhhhh....YOU MADE IT!!

Congratulations! You made it through the Holidays. Only one more to go...New Year's Eve/Day.

Every year I hear about how difficult the Holidays are to get through. I remember those days all too well....when I was in the midst of being married to a gay man. Everywhere I looked...I found a place to let my heart break again and again. I would notice happy couples in the mall.....my heart would break. I would see those Christmas movies with all the love, laughter and joy.....my heart would break. I would see couples holding hands.....my heart would break. I would pass by a jewelry store in a mall and notice men looking at diamonds for their sweetheart.....my heart would break. I would see a family with children in tow.....my heart would break. I would notice an elderly couple walking together.....my heart would break. I would go to church and notice all the love around me...while I felt empty, dark and unworthy on the inside...my heart would break again.

I would cry rivers on the inside. Yet, somehow I managed to keep a calm fake face on the outside. It was very difficult...and I paid a high price for doing so. Each day...I let a piece of my truth and being slip away. Each day the feelings of desperation, anger, "unfairness" ate deeper into my soul. I let a little piece of me slip away bit by bit. I replaced my missing pieces with numbness to get through another day....another month...another year.

Living in complete sorrow ....my soul, my purpose, my motivation, my inspiration, my joy...it all melted away. Somehow, the spirit of the Holidays heightened my fears and intensified my heart ache. So, my private Holiday on the inside was not happy, joyous or grateful. It was a deep dark sea of emotions that I couldn't navigate or untangle. I was lost inside my body.

Often I ask myself...HOW DID I DO THAT....and WHY DID I DO THAT? The answer......I was always hoping and wishing for a better tomorrow. I lived on borrowed hope. It took nearly 10 years for me to realize that I could not emotionally afford to live on hope that my marriage would improve...or that I could wish, hope and pray for my then husband to be straight. So, for the Holiday season of 1999 I declared I would create a NEW and BETTER life for myself. Once I made my decision...I began to gain some clarity. It was not a lot clarity......but, it was enough to help me find a road map out of my misery.

So....if your heart is aching from the Holidays...I hope you find yourself relieved that it is OVER. I hope you are able to repair your broken heart and may it be on the mend. I hope you find your road map to a future filled with all the joys of life. May you live a MAGNIFICENT life because YOU DESERVE IT! Gather your strength...and go into 2010 with the intention of healing. Heal your heart, body, mind and soul.

Love from my heart to yours....May 2010 be a better year for you!

I Blamed Myself For Him Being Gay.....

Reflecting on my past has given me 20/20 vision. Today, I shudder to think that I actually thought I was the cause of our failed marriage and that I was the cause of him being gay! However, years ago, I carried a lot of the burden of my ex being gay. I stayed in the closet with him. I protected the secret too. I found ways to justify and defend his behaviors. Even though it became a very expensive price for me to pay....I remained in the closet.

The sad reality was......I was STILL living in the closet when and after I filed for divorce. Even though he had dished out years of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, I felt it was still my duty to protect him. His years of abuse had damaged me and out of FEAR I felt I needed to protect him. I felt the need to protect that he was gay and that he was an abuser.

I had come to believe I caused my ex to be gay. I took responsibility for him being gay and for the abuse. Unfortunately, I had the following thoughts:

a) I was not woman enough....or he would have loved me, had sex with me and not wanted other men.

b) I was ugly.......or he would have loved me and wanted to have been intimate with me.

c) Gay men don't get married....therefore, I must have caused him to be gay somehow.

d) On the days I didn't beat my self up for "not being enough" and causing him to be gay, I would tell myself that I was stupid for marrying someone gay. I should have known and because I didn't, it was my fault. So, I should have been smarter.

e) I was convinced that I "caused" him to abuse me. I must have said or done something that wasn't "right".

f) I needed to try harder because things were not going well.

g) I was lazy, it took a lot of work for a relationship to work...and I must not be doing enough.

h) I must have been lousy with sex, because if I was good...he would want me more.

i) I wasn't normal. I expected too much of him. I was too demanding.

j) In the beginning I wanted sex more than him....so, soon I believed I was over sexed and retreated. I allowed him to convince me that I had an abnormal....nymphomaniac sexual appetite.

Looking back, I know my thoughts were not accurate. No one caused my ex-husband to be gay, not even himself. It certainly was not my fault that my ex was gay.....or that he abused me. However, those thoughts were very true to me when I was living in the closet. My healing journey did not begin until I took baby steps out of the closet. Some days I was able to face the other side of the closet.....and other days, I remained in the closet with the door shut tight and locked. Somehow, each little victory of coming out of the closet gave me strength, clarity, and some short lived peace. The mini victories enabled me to stand in my own light and my own truth. Each day brought opportunities of self discovery.