Happy NEW YEAR!!

Dear Reader....

I want to wish you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR.

May your New Year be full of Love.

May your New Year be full of Fun Adventures.

May your New Year be full of Hope.

May your New Year be full of Peace.

May your New Year be full of great Health.

May your New Year be full of Laughter.

May your New Year be full of Beauty.

May your New Year be full of Blessings.

May your New Year be full of New Opportunities

May your New Year be full and Prosperous.

May your New Year be MAGNIFICENT!

You deserve all the best. My well wishes are with you and I hold each of you close to my heart. I am very thankful to work with many of you. I love every one of you. I know your circumstances and relationships are tough. I have been there too. It isn't easy...but, it is Survivable and YOU deserve only the best in your life. I BELIEVE IN YOU. May you have many blessings in 2010.

Ahhhhhh....YOU MADE IT!!

Congratulations! You made it through the Holidays. Only one more to go...New Year's Eve/Day.

Every year I hear about how difficult the Holidays are to get through. I remember those days all too well....when I was in the midst of being married to a gay man. Everywhere I looked...I found a place to let my heart break again and again. I would notice happy couples in the mall.....my heart would break. I would see those Christmas movies with all the love, laughter and joy.....my heart would break. I would see couples holding hands.....my heart would break. I would pass by a jewelry store in a mall and notice men looking at diamonds for their sweetheart.....my heart would break. I would see a family with children in tow.....my heart would break. I would notice an elderly couple walking together.....my heart would break. I would go to church and notice all the love around me...while I felt empty, dark and unworthy on the inside...my heart would break again.

I would cry rivers on the inside. Yet, somehow I managed to keep a calm fake face on the outside. It was very difficult...and I paid a high price for doing so. Each day...I let a piece of my truth and being slip away. Each day the feelings of desperation, anger, "unfairness" ate deeper into my soul. I let a little piece of me slip away bit by bit. I replaced my missing pieces with numbness to get through another day....another month...another year.

Living in complete sorrow ....my soul, my purpose, my motivation, my inspiration, my joy...it all melted away. Somehow, the spirit of the Holidays heightened my fears and intensified my heart ache. So, my private Holiday on the inside was not happy, joyous or grateful. It was a deep dark sea of emotions that I couldn't navigate or untangle. I was lost inside my body.

Often I ask myself...HOW DID I DO THAT....and WHY DID I DO THAT? The answer......I was always hoping and wishing for a better tomorrow. I lived on borrowed hope. It took nearly 10 years for me to realize that I could not emotionally afford to live on hope that my marriage would improve...or that I could wish, hope and pray for my then husband to be straight. So, for the Holiday season of 1999 I declared I would create a NEW and BETTER life for myself. Once I made my decision...I began to gain some clarity. It was not a lot clarity......but, it was enough to help me find a road map out of my misery.

So....if your heart is aching from the Holidays...I hope you find yourself relieved that it is OVER. I hope you are able to repair your broken heart and may it be on the mend. I hope you find your road map to a future filled with all the joys of life. May you live a MAGNIFICENT life because YOU DESERVE IT! Gather your strength...and go into 2010 with the intention of healing. Heal your heart, body, mind and soul.

Love from my heart to yours....May 2010 be a better year for you!

Merry Christmas....Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays....
May your heart be joyful with
any Holiday you celebrate!


My Holiday Wishes for you.....
May you discover your INNER STRENGTH,
May you find HOPE,
May you seek out INSPIRATION,
May you honor your CREATIVITY,
May you release the past and look forward to the FUTURE,
May you find the COURAGE to reach your GOALS,
May you discover your SELF WORTH,
Most of all....May you LOVE yourself and have amazing HEALTH!

I believe in you,
With Love,
Misti

Saturday Seminar Teleclasses

Hello! I would like to "introduce" you to my new Saturday Seminars.
I will be conducting several Saturday Seminars (Teleclasses) throughout next year. The very first one will be conducted on January 2, 2010. The focus of the first Saturday Seminar will be on HEALING & GOAL SETTING for the New Year. Come join a group of Straight Spouses that are eager to change their life for the better. Start the New Year off in the right direction among a group of Straight Spouses that understand. This Telecourse will be beneficial for those currently in a Gay/Straight Marriage and those who are out of the Gay/Straight Relationship. After the Saturday Seminar is finished, I will hold an optional Question & Answer session for the participants. There will also be a bonus on the call. One random participant will receive a complimentary Straight Spouse Coaching session with me!

What: Saturday Seminar Teleclass
When: Saturday, January 2, 2010 @ 1:00PM Eastern Standard Time
Cost: $25.00
Note: You will need access to a phone to call into the Teleclass.

Are you ready to for positive changes in your life? Are you ready for a wonderful New Year? If so, contact me MistiLynnHall@aol.com for questions, registration and payment arrangements. Wishing you a Happy Holiday Season. Give yourself this important gift! You deserve it.

Your Straight Spouse "Sister",
Misti Hall, M.S.

Announcements....STEPPING Into Some New Things.....

I would like to make a few announcements. Straight Spouse Coaching is stepping into some new directions and expanding services. First of all, lots of things have been going on behind the scenes at Straight Spouse Coaching. I have finally started a Newsletter. It is called Straight Spouse Sisters. The Newsletter is intended to be helpful for Straight Spouses and it addresses some of the struggles of Straight Spouses. There is so little information out there on our struggles...so, I thought it was time to start a Newsletter. I plan to offer the Newsletter at least 4 times per year. One for each season. If you would like to be on the mailing list, email me at MistiLynnHall@aol.com .

I will also be offering some new classes and workshops in the upcoming New Year. Some of the new things I will be offering are...a membership email/network group, one day seminars in person and over the phone, monthly seminars focusing on specific topics, more guest blog posts, etc.

Last, but not least....I will be launching a Website in 2010! This has been a very exciting year for Straight Spouse Coaching and I am looking forward to 2010.

The BOOTS

I just HAD to buy the boots in the above photo. It was not an option to pass by them and leave them stranded on the shelf. They screamed out loud..."TAKE ME HOME". So, without much thought, I purchased the boots. I have had so much fun wearing them! They are not for the faint of heart. They definitely get attention...but, most importantly, they make me smile and I feel a sense of wonder when I have them on exploring the outdoors. Take time to have fun in your life. Go have some fun....If you are reading this blog...you probably need to infuse yourself with some goodness. As always....I wish you Hope, Joy and Love.

Holiday Workshop

Hello and Happy Holidays to all. Holidays is the time of year when we are supposed to be happy, grateful, joyful, etc. Unfortunately, when you are going through any type of transition, like divorce, separation and/or discovery that your mate it gay, it can be tough to handle and depressing. Therefore, I have designed a workshop to support Straight Spouses through the December Holidays and into the New Year. Whether you are new into the discovery or years post separation/divorce....give yourself this Gift of support. I only have two spots left....so, if you are interested contact me at MistiLynnHall@aol.com to reserve your spot.

Workshop Description

I will be offering the Holiday Straight Spouse Workshop starting December 7, 09 at 8:30PM (Eastern Standard Time Zone). This workshop will meet once a week for 6 weeks (6 consecutive Mondays) over a bridge line phone number. So, from the privacy and convenient from your home...you dial into a number and we are all connected on the same phone line. We will discuss our stories and do different activities (homework) through out the 6 weeks. In between the calls, you can connect on a private Ning.com site. This site will allow you to post your homework, correspond with other members of the group, etc. All of the activities/homework assignments are optional. You are never asked to share something that you are uncomfortable sharing. Also remember that this is a PRIVATE group. Only those with an invite from the moderator (me) can enter. Coming together as a group can be very healing in and of itself. It shows us that we are NOT ALONE. Others have passed through this....and they have survived and thrived. Some of the things we will do in this group are: activities to raise self-esteem, discover ways to nurture ourselves, create a joy journal, etc.

Lost and Found

Hello fellow Straight Spouse Sisters,

I would like to introduce you to our bright and beautiful fellow tribe member, Emily Pearson. Emily Pearson is an accomplished woman and has a way with words. In her own words she describes herself as a Full Time Single Mom, Writer, Actress, Recovering Mormon, and Die Hard Smart-Ass.

Emily is the author of several blogs. Two of her blogs are http://wearewildflowers.blogspot.com/

and

http://dancingwithcrazy.blogspot.com/

I encourage you to browse her blogs. She has an amazing writing style that intertwines straight spouse heartaches with a dose of humor. God knows we need humor where we can get it!

The following is a post originally written by Emily Pearson.......

LOST AND FOUND

To me one of the hardest things about staying married to a gay man for any length of time is that, once you have been given the full information, you are dragged into his closet and forced to live there with him. Suddenly you are living with this secret, and the shattering pain and humiliation it is causing you, pretty much isolated and completely alone. Often, understandably, he doesn't want you to tell anyone while he either experiments and figures out what he is going to do or stays closeted forever in an attempt to live the life of a straight man.

Every single thing suddenly becomes about, and revolves around, his "issue." It eclipses everything. All other marital problems, those that any couple deals with, are swept under the rug or filed under the category of "Because He is Gay" and become too big and confusing to deal with and work on. It consumes our every waking thought and often our sleep as well. It affects how we look at ourselves and our lives and how we do nearly everything. It is hard enough for women to not lose themselves completely in marriage and motherhood but when we find out, or finally face the fact, that our husbands are gay - it is nearly impossible to not disappear completely.

We find ourselves being held hostage in his closet. The clothes are his. The smells are his. The shoes are his. It is dark and frightening and miserable. The worst part is that we let HIM have the key and we wait for HIM to decide whether or not we ever get to come out. Unless a woman has been there, it is impossible to understand the despair this situation brings.

Whether we decide to leave the marriage or stay - it is imperative that we rescue ourselves, separate ourselves from his sexuality and reclaim who we are. If you are a woman that has chosen to live with him in his closet I cannot recommend highly enough that you not blast the "He's gay" information from the rooftops but share the situation with ONE trusted friend or relative. I do believe that every gay person deserves to come out to who they want when they want and that their privacy should absolutely be protected. BUT the wife of a gay man desperately needs at least one person to confide in and get support from. Talk to someone.

And if you choose to stay - Honey, you take your freaking sledge hammer to that closet and expand it into the biggest walk in anyone has ever seen. Put in windows and vaulted ceilings and shelves and artwork and your clothing and your perfume and every alive and beautiful thing that screams YOU because this is your life too and remaining lost is no longer an option.

There are many, many painful problems that accompany marriages between gay and straight people but I think we often make it mean more than it really does. We let it be far bigger than it is and let it eclipse more than we should. Is it confusing and painful as hell? Without question. But does it mean what we make it mean - that we are not attractive, desirable, beautiful, talented, fun, alive and worthy of love? NO. It simply means he is gay and we do with that what we will. We claim for ourselves what we will.

Still married, separated or divorced the trick, and task, is to find ourselves again. Take out old pictures and remember who you were before he came into your life. Pick up old musical instruments and hobbies. Put on music. Dance. Run. Eat chocolate. Have as many Girl's Nights Out as you can. Paint your toenails bright red. Stare at your naked body in the mirror and have a conversation with it. I am not kidding. Tell your body that it is beautiful and desirable because it is female - not in spite of that fact. Do this every day until you believe it. Slather yourself with yummy lotion. Buy pretty lingerie just for YOU. Read books that YOU like. See movies that YOU like. Prepare food that YOU like.

Remember that this is your life and you are ultimately here on this planet for you. The birds sing for you. The breeze blows for you. The flowers bloom for you. The moon rises and the stars shine for you. The world is overflowing with joy and laughter and precious moments and miracles and gifts and party favors for you. And, guess what? It doesn't have one teeny, tiny, little, itty, bitty thing to do with him.

The original post can be found here...http://wearewildflowers.blogspot.com/2009/02/lost-and-found.html

Thanks Emily!