When Happily Ever After Turns to Miserable Ever Since....

Has your Happily Ever After fell apart? Did your Happily Ever After turn into Miserable Ever Since I Discovered? Unfortunately, many Straight Spouses find ourselves in a situation of not knowing of whether to stay......or whether to leave. Obviously, no one wants to find themselves in this situation. Therefore, it can be easier to bury our heads in the sand......and wish for it all to go away. Chances are......it isn't going away any time soon. Therefore, sooner or later you and your Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual partner will need to sort out your future together.......or apart. Ideally, both of you will discuss the transition of dealing with a Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual partner and develop a plan of integrity and pave the road to both of you living an authentic life.

Unfortunately, many Straight Spouses have to sort this situation out on their own. Often times the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual partner will dismiss their Straight Spouse's intuition or discovering evidence. This dismissal is not only damaging, it leads to guilt and shame in the Straight Spouse. After feeling guilt and shame for long enough..the Straight Spouse has a tendency to internalize the relationship issues and blame themselves for the problems and issues in the marriage/relationship. Then, the Straight Spouse sets themselves up for a whole host of unrealistic self expectations. "I will do THIS....and he/she will love me more. I will do THAT...and he/she will love me more." This type of disillusionment puts us on the merry go round of failure and leads to an assault on our ability to love and be loved.

Ultimately, the greatest love is the LOVE FOR OURSELVES. We must learn to Love and Accept ourselves. We cannot solely depend on a healthy love outside of ourselves and not grow and nurture our own Self Love.

When we give away our power in Self Love, we set ourselves up for potential disasters. For example, if we do not LOVE ourselves and expect love to come from our partner....then we are only fed the type of LOVE they are willing to give. What if your partner doesn't know how to love you the way you deserve to be loved? What if your partner has a tendency to be manipulative and abusive? What kind of Love will your partner deliver? If you remain dependent to receive Love outside of yourself.....you are setting yourself up for heartbreak and unhealthy relationship patterns.

Once we seek outside Love long enough, it can become toxic. A toxic love is not healthy! A toxic love is prone to be riddled with abuse, neglect and very conditional. For example...."only if you were thin enough I would love you more, only if you had a better job....I would love you more, if we have a child we will love each other more, "etc. Conditional love erodes our ability to Love and function in a healthy manor. After you have exposed yourself long enough....you will start to believe the conditions.....the terrible comments.....or accept the neglect/lack of Love. Once that line has been crossed, we tend to find ourselves feeling miserable and unworthy of Love. Often times these feelings trap us in a relationship because we feel, "this is the best I can do...and who would want me?"

Even though Love is a primal instinct we seek, we often overlook the foundation to the greatest love of all........LOVING OURSELVES! Yes, loving ourselves builds a solid foundation for a healthy love.

Love is like a garden. You must plant the seeds of LOVE....water them.... WEED them...and fertilize properly. Sometimes is it hard to discern the weeds from the seedlings of LOVE. So, you tenderly make decisions to pluck the weed....or allow the weed to grow. If you choose to nurture more weeds than love seedlings.....you will risk not having a bountiful harvest and possibly experience a famine of LOVE. If you choose to cultivate more LOVE seeds than weeds, you will be rewarded with an abundant harvest. Gardening takes time and patience....and needs to be sprinkled with courage. You must tend your garden often and mindfully to allow your LOVE to grow. When you are ready for harvest, enjoy your fruits and share them. Remember, planting Love seeds is not a one crop effort.....one must continually plant LOVE seeds in the garden to experience a stable supply of fruits!

Self Love can begin with very basic and simple steps. A well balanced Self Love has a mixture of behaviors that nurture the body, mind and spirit.

You can start by making a list of 20 things that you love to do....or simple things that bring you pleasure and joy. When you make your list, include a variety of things to "feed" your body, mind and spirit. When making this list you can ask yourself:

What makes me feel in touch with my spiritual being?

What makes me feel good about my body?

What are things that reduce my stress and anxiety?

Then, commit to following through with action! Pick out an activity to do at least once a week. If you commit to doing something for yourself once a week......by the end of the month you have done 4 great things for yourself. The end of the year.....you have done 52 great things for yourself. It is also wise to continually add to your list of things to do/try. It is the accumulation of doing those great things and the commitment to continually do those great things for yourself that add up to cultivate Self Love, Self Confidence, Self Esteem and Discover/Rediscovery of the Self. You are worth the effort!

Do you have weeds in your garden of Love? If so, what weeds are you willing to "thin out" and what variety of seeds are you willing to plant that will build up your SELF LOVE? Are you committed to nurturing and cultivating your garden of LOVE?

If you would like help in cultivating your "garden of Self Love" contact me at

MistiLynnHall @aol.com to schedule a complimentary 30 sample session and to learn more about my Life Coaching services.

Much LOVE and BLESSINGS to you,

Misti

Happy Valentine's Day

Dear Readers......

These are the things I wish for you on this Valentine's Day....whether you are married, separated, divorced or single...

May you settle for MORE in life....

May you feel that you are BEAUTIFUL....

May you learn how to LOVE YOURSELF deeply...

All LOVE affairs need to begin with LOVING YOURSELF first...

Broken HEARTS do mend...

May you allow LIGHT to enter where darkness resides within...

Forgiveness starts with OURSELVES...
Nurture your SPIRIT.....it is resilient...
May you allow yourself to let go of the pain....

May you discover a river of PEACE to flow through you...
May you understand that you will not have all the answers....just TRUST...

May you seek out JOY everyday....

May you reconnect with that inner child that loves to PLAY...
May you be on the path to your AUTHENTIC SELF.....

May you EMBRACE your AUTHENTIC SELF...

CELEBRATE your UNIQUENESS...
May you INDULGE in the SWEETNESS of life....

May you SHARE your GIFTS with the world....

LOVE and MANY BLESSINGS to you...

Misti

February Seminar & Workshop

In addition to the individual Straight Spouse Coaching services, I am excited to offer the following groups this February:

February Seminar and Workshop

February Saturday Seminar: LOVE
The Topic for the Saturday Seminar (Telecourse) in February is LOVE. This seminar is all about the most important LOVE relationship you will have in your life....YOURSELF. The Telecourse will focus on ways to practice Self-Love and ways to build your Self-Esteem. If you have been, or you are currently in a Straight/Gay marriage, this may be one of the most important Saturday Seminars to attend. The Telecourse will be a mixture of deep breathing, visualization (for relaxing), lecture, discussion and activities to cultivate Self-Love and Self-Esteem. This Saturday Seminar includes a downloadable workbook.
What: February Saturday Seminar (Telecourse)
When: February 13, 2010 at 1:00 PM Eastern Standard Time
Cost: $30.00
Note: You must have access to a phone to call into the Telecourse. You will also need access to a computer for email and be able to print the workbook. Arrangements can be made to mail the workbook if you do not have a printer.

Reclaim the Feminine Spirit
After years of being married to a gay man, my FEMININE SPIRIT was completely broken. Once I divorced, I felt like an "it". The years of being married to a gay man stripped away my FEMININE identity. I felt like a body without a gender. I felt more like a sexless "it" than a woman. I had lost the essence of the woman within. With work and effort, I discovered a "recipe" to reconnect with my femininity. Does your Feminine Spirit feel broken, neglected or damaged? If so, this workshop is for you! I will share my experience, helpful tips and exercises to tap into your Feminine essence. This workshop will last for 4 weeks and it will focus on recapturing your FEMININE SPIRIT! The classes will be held on 4 consecutive Monday evenings at 8:30PM (Eastern Standard Time Zone). The first class will be conducted on February 15 and go through March 8, 2010. You deserve to see your BEAUTY, own your POWER, live your TRUTH and Love the FEMININE within. HONOR her and let her shine again. This class is designed for all Straight Spouses...regardless of where you are in the journey.
What: Reclaim the Feminine Spirit Workshop/Telecourse
When: The class will meet via telephone on February 15, February 22, March 1, & March 8
Time: 8:30-10:00 PM Eastern Standard Time Zone
Cost: $150.00
Supplies Needed: Access to a telephone, access to email, a journal, colored pencils or crayons.

Please contact me at MistiLynnHall@aol.com to register and payment arrangements.

Love and Blessings,

Misti

What IF???

I recently attended a friend and family get together. It was a very pleasant social affair. Lots of food, good conversation, updates on our lives, wine, etc. Everything that makes a get together warm and cozy. Even though it had all of the ingredients for a fabulous night....it became an extra special night. The kind of special night that you get to eat the cake and icing too! It was a night with a "gift" that I will never forget.

On this particular night a family came with their young adult children to the party. They were home from college and each child brought their boyfriend and girlfriend along. The interesting part...one of their children is a lesbian...and she brought her girlfriend to the gathering.

All night I caught myself starring and talking to the Lesbian couple....and please know, it wasn't a condescending conversation or stare...it was a stare and conversation of gratefulness. My heart was full and I was so grateful to see a loving "normal" family be so accepting of their daughter's sexuality. Their daughter being a Lesbian is normal for their family....and it was normal for their daughter's girlfriend to be a part of their family's activities.

Seeing the family interactions, especially with their daughter and her girlfriend was a "gift" to me. It reminded me that there are parents out there that love their children regardless of their sexual orientation. It reminded me that some parents do accept their children's sexuality and allow their children to grow into loving and caring adults. Most importantly, it reminded me that (some) parents encourage their children to live their truth......regardless if it fits the social and religious "norm".

After I left the party, I kept thinking....WHAT IF my ex-husband's family encouraged him to live his truth? WHAT IF they had accepted him for who he really was? WHAT IF my ex-husband did not feel like he had to hide behind a marriage? WHAT IF my ex-husband did not have to feel shame and frustration? WHAT IF a strict religious upbringing did not condemn him to hell? WHAT IF my ex-husband felt safe to be who he was meant to be? WHAT IF.....WHAT IF.... The WHAT IF's ruminated in my mind as I danced around with different outcomes.

Obviously, my life story would have been written differently....and our paths may have crossed as friends instead of getting married and departing as enemies through a nasty and hurtful divorce.

Dear readers...be respectful to others for their uniqueness. I am not asking you to change your beliefs...you don't have to agree with them politically, religiously, etc. Just open your mind and open your heart to consider for a moment....WHAT IF I looked at a situation from a different view point.....how would my world view be different? Is there an area of my life that I need to shed more compassion? Embrace your own differences....live your truth....as a result, others will be more accepting and respectful of you. Have compassion towards others. When we find ourselves ready to judge.......pause for a moment and practice having compassion rather than condemnation. We never truly know someone's circumstances or their story. How can we judge someone else's story.....when we can barely understand our own story? BE the change you wish to see.

Love & Blessings,

Misti

Haiti Earthquake

Dear Readers,

My heart is heavy for Haiti. This past week we have seen a horrific tragedy in Haiti. I am afraid this is only the beginning of their crisis. If they do not get the proper relief and medical care...I assume things will escalate and more humans will perish.

I have traveled to Haiti years ago. It was one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. However, during my visit I could not comprehend the poverty. No one wore shoes...the few that did have shoes, their shoes were one of a kind. I remember talking to a woman in the market. I assumed she was in her mid 40's. As we talked...I discovered that she was a teenager. A mere 14 years old. I suppose this young lady appeared so much older due to the harshness of her life circumstances. Her image has been forever etched into my mind. I have often wondered where she is today...or what her life is like. Possibly she has not survived this earthquake.

Please dig deep into your pockets...and send a donation to help Haiti. There are many organizations out there needing donations and money for Haiti. So, pick your favorite organization and send them a donation for Haiti. Even if you cannot send money....please send your prayers and well-wishes. Haiti needs all the help they can get at this time.

For those of you that send a donation to Haiti I will offer you a discount on any of my coaching services for the month of January.

Love and blessings,


Misti

Healthy Diversions

Healthy diversions can be a very integral part of the healing process. Healthy diversions can make a huge difference in whether you survive the journey...or thrive in your journey. The following are just a few healthy diversions. Please feel free to add to this list by leaving a comment.

1) Journaling
Do you need someone to talk to in middle of night when you wake up from sleep? Do you feel like no one understands you? Or, are you afraid that you may turn to unhealthy habits...such as excessive drinking? If you answered "yes" to any of the previous questions, journaling may be a great healthy diversion for you. Pull out your journal...and write it out. Express how you feel. Allow those thoughts to spill onto paper...and out of your head. Do not worry about grammar or punctuation. Just let it flow, even if the words do not make sense. Journaling allows you to release emotions and gain clarity. It can also help you identify triggers and patterns in your emotions. For example...you may be able to discover a trigger that makes you sad...angry...etc. Always put a date on your journal entries. In the days to come...you can reflect back on your entries to see how far you have come.

2) Affirmations
Never underestimate the power of kind words! If you find yourself in a habit of negative self talk.. an excellent way to retrain ourselves is through using an opposite positive version. For example, if you keep telling yourself.."I can't do ______"..."I will not be able to finish _______".......you can change those phrases around to:
I can do ______ with ease. I will finish ______ with ease.
Affirmations can take the power out of the negativity. This is also a great foundation for building up self-esteem.
Louise L. Hay has many books with positive affirmations. Many book stores have her books in the "Self Help" section.

3) Take a class
For example....learn more about your finances. Take an investment class. Learn the investment lingo. Put yourself in power of your financial future. Get into the "know" of where your money is going. Learn how to save for a secure and comfortable retirement. Other classes to consider....foreign language, art or craft class, healthy cooking class, etc.

4) Join a book club.
If you have a love for reading....this may be an excellent way for you to meet new people and to stimulate your mind.

5) Yoga
Yoga can be very calming and it can quiet the mind. Yoga can also be a great way to feel "centered" and to find clarity.

6) Volunteer
Giving back can be a huge part of your healing process. However, only volunteer when you are ready...and start volunteering small increments of time. Do not commit to long hours of volunteering. Remember.....if you feel depleted..cut back on the commitment. If you continue to feel depleted...maybe the organization isn't a good "fit" for you. If this is the case...give a notice to the volunteer department and look into the possibility of volunteering for a different organization.

7) Feed your spirit.
What feeds your spirit? Is it prayer...meditation....attending church/temple/synagogue service....being in nature? Whatever it is...feed your spirit. Make sure you put aside enough time to honor this part of your being. In my healing process...this was one of the most important things I did. I always set aside time seek things out that "filled my cup".

What are you doing to be proactive in your healing process? Do you have a healthy diversion for the "hard days/moments"? If not, find a healthy diversion that suits your needs and personality. It will help your healing journey.

AIDS Awareness

To all of you that know me and to those that do not, let me share with you an awareness that I am passionate about... AIDS AWARENESS. This is not a pretty disease. It is a horrible death sentence in many parts of the world where people have little, if any, access to medicine or access to preventive education.

Please know that AIDS does not discriminate. AIDS doesn't mind if you are gay or straight, young or old, black or white, man or woman. It crosses all boundaries, genders, cultures and socioeconomic status'. You cannot visibly look at someone and tell if they are "healthy" and free of HIV/AIDS. If you are planning to have sex with someone....both of you should be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Yes, it may be awkward to ask a partner to be tested...but, it is much easier than showing up in a doctor's office with a diagnosis of HIV/AIDS. Always remember....when you have sex with someone....it is equivalent to you having sex with EVERY sexual partner they have had. So, get tested and request the same. If you cannot afford to be tested...go to your local health department. Health departments offer free and anonymous HIV testing.

I will leave you with this beautiful video from Starbucks for AIDS Awareness titled....

Love Project

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh7D2g5v-Sg