Happy Father's Day Dad!

Happy Father's Day wishes would not be complete without me wishing my own Dad a big Happy Father's Day! So, Happy Father's Day, Dad!

I also want to remind Straight Wives out there that sometimes your own parents can be more supportive than you ever imagined. If you have good relationships with your family, do not underestimate the support and love they can give you during the "discovery period". My parent's helped me weather the storm that I thought I would have to walk alone. They helped carry me and my burdens.

Reflecting back on discovering that my ex-husband was/is gay....I was completely devastated. Initially I did not seek the support of my parents. I was embarrassed and assumed that they would not understand my pain, devastation and hurt. Well, I was WRONG. Thankfully, I finally found the courage to tell my parents that I was secretly filing for divorce and I needed their emotional support. My parents rose to the occasion and they supported me the WHOLE way.

They even understood that I could not "fix" my ex and transform him to being a Straight husband (this is HUGE because they belong to a very conservative church). They lovingly listened as I explained to them how I hid the physical and mental abuse. I told them everything....the double life my ex was leading, the affairs he was having and the abuse I experienced. They were shocked...but, not as shocked as I thought they would be. Being my parents they had sensed a strain in my marriage. They revealed to me that they knew things were not going well. However, they admitted that they had no idea of the physical and mental abuse I had gone through. But, shocking to me, they had suspected all along that my then husband was Gay.

Thankfully, my parents did understand. They were devastated because I had not come to them earlier! They gave me love and support all the way through the divorce process. They took me back under their wings of protection...and it felt good. It was a welcome reprieve from keeping the secrets and hiding my pain from them.

So, please realize that your parents may understand this situation better than you think!

On this Father's Day...I say, Daddy.......THANK YOU for all of the love, support, understanding, sternness (but, softness when I need it)....and ALWAYS being there!

Much LOVE to You and Mom,

Your Daughter...Misti

Happy Father's Day

Wanting to wish Happy Father's Day to all of you "Daddy's" out there. If you are a Gay Dad that has been a part of a Gay/Straight Marriage...it is my wish for you that you have been able to establish and maintain a healthy parental relationship with your child(ren).

I work with many mothers that are concerned about the relationship their ex-Gay husband will or will not have with their children. Please remember that divorced parents find ways to be a hands on parent every day. It may take a lot of work and effort to maintain a "civil" relationship after a divorce. But, in the end.....when you have children...it is worth the extra negotiation.

I am not saying to discount your pain and frustration as a spouse. However, I am saying...do not let your children bear your burden of pain. Whether you are the Gay or Straight Spouse, find appropriate support to help ease your pain. Parents MUST take care of themselves emotionally and physically to be great parents to their children. So, as parents, remember to take care of yourself and find support to help you pick up the pieces of your shattered life.

So, if you are a separated or divorced Gay/Straight couple, I hope you have put your children's needs and welfare above your own hurt and frustrations. Keep the children out of your pain. Allow the children to love and enjoy the company of both parents. Children are precious and a gift to the world. Parents....love your children, support your children, visit your children often, encourage your children, etc. Most importantly stay involved in your children's life and inspire them to live a magnificent life full of love.

Just My Opinion.....

Often times I here from others that it must be much easier discovering that your spouse is gay and having an affair with a man vs. being straight and having an affair with a woman. Well, professionally and personally speaking, this is not true. There is no solace in finding out your husband has had an affair with a man instead of a woman. I am not discounting infidelity in any relations. Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal of trust a couple may experience. Then add on top of the betrayal a discovery that your husband is Gay. It makes the whole situation more complicated. Thus, for most Straight Spouses it adds more layers of complication and grief to work through. This type of discovery (finding out that our husband/mate is Gay) changes who you are...how you define yourself...how you see yourself...and brings on a level of shame and guilt that is hard to describe, unless you have experienced it. Not only do Straight Wives deal with infidelity.....they usually walk into the closet with their Gay husband/partner.

To many outsiders it seems like a "no-brainer".....your husband is Gay, so separation should be more simple. If only that was the case! It is not simple. So, if you are a Straight Spouse and you feel abnormal the next time you hear, "Oh, it must be easier because your husband cheated with a man"...please understand they have not experienced your situation. Dear Straight Wives you DO NOT have to discount your pain, your frustration, your grief, your emotions, etc. This is a very pain situation....a crisis at best. For all others, please be extra cautious when trying to discount some one's pain. It doesn't make the person feel better...let them feel their pain and as a friend, practice being a listener for them.